Yes, The Schizophrenic Lives On…. or at least that’s the title to my book. I am an example of what’s possible even when your a schizophrenic. An Ex-Smoker. No more pot, and no more cigarettes. And that means no more money spent on destructive things. I guess I waste money playing the lottery, but I think I’m going to win so I don’t really think it’s a waste. My wife hates it when I talk about the lottery. But I’m a dreamer and I dream big and hitting the jackpot is a big dream. Only happens to a few of us. The main thing right now is that I’m not smoking cigarettes. When I quit I basically finished off all the alcohol in the house, except for my wife’s wine, and smoked the rest of my pot. Now that there’s basically nothing left I’m going to try to go sober. Nay say I am committed to going sober and transforming my body.
I want a six pack. Nice abs. I think I can get it running and doing sit ups. I start running in 9 days. That’s two weeks without smoking. I figured that’s enough time to give my body to adjust before I start to strain it by running and exercising. I just can’t tolerate a destructive lifestyle anymore, at least not for me. I’m only a reccommendation. Don’t smoke or drink and go sober. Except on holidays or family occasions where it’s good to spread the cheer with some drinks.
But I’m on the up and up. I’m working on a book and making good progress there. I’m doing good at my job. I gave up cigarettes and I’m 5 days smoke free. I get rewarded for not smoking when my daughter and wife cheer me on. I told them today 5 days not smoking and they all said go dad, go dad… So I get some positive reinforcement from them.
This is not to honk my own horn, but I think my writing is good. It’s full of that something that moves people. I like it and I hope I have a vast following far and wide one day. That I’ll be discovered and moved to print. I could start by writing on this blog more often. Put some stuff out there for free and see what people think. But I’ve had my breakdowns where I didn’t want to work anymore.
I have the dream of writing on an island. Probably in the Carribbean or Hawaii. That would be nice… I talked to my wife and she said that she could stand it if we spent 6 months a year there. Sometimes I can still get her to dream with me.
A dream we can talk about right now is my return to success. I am a schizophrenic, and though a mild one, have had many failures and attempts at success in the field of sales since 2010. I had some success but nothing that lasted. I now want long term lasting success, like I’m getting at my job that I have now…. and I want that to be 40 hours working on the phone. Talking to people. The job typically pays about 15 dollars an hour. So I would be making a big jump in pay. That would be good as I could pay my debts off faster. It’s hard to make a dent right now and I end up spending more on the card and that isn’t good. Part of the reason cigarettes had to go. Spending money for everyday things, on my credit card, when if I didn’t smoke I would have the cash on me to buy those things without the credit card.
At least that’s what I hope for. Basically, I hope for more money. That’s not all I hope for but I definately hope for it. I think sobriety will help me bring more money into my life also. I was hearing some funky shit when I was smoking. Outside everything seemed to be all messed up. The voices hated it, and they didn’t like me smoking. I heard on several occasions the voices telling me not to smoke. Sometimes they would tell me to smoke and sometimes they wouldn’t…. It all depended on how I felt too. If I wanted one they told me to smoke. If I wasn’t feeling good they told me not to smoke. I haven’t heard the voices telling me to smoke since I quit though, so that’s a good thing. I haven’t even been thinking about it as a possibility.
But the question is why get another job when I do fine at the one I’m at and am paying 400 dollars a month towards my credit card bill and I’m writing a shitton. This book really is going to be awesome. It’s my story, day by day. The story of a schizophrenic who wants to be rich like a drowning man wants air and is doing things to make his life better and his wallet fatter. For himself and his family. Who have done so much for him. His desire to give back is great and he wants to empower himself to be able to give in big ways. Give to his children, his wife, his parents and inlaws, his brothers, to everyone even perfect strangers he meets when he’s out. That would be a truly blessed life to be able to give so much, be I would just be taking a page out of a Tony Robbins book and applying it to my life. And forget a page, lets take a whole chapter, or the entire gianantic book, because it is large. Big man writes a big book. Makes sense. My book will be about 300 pages when it’s done. I hope it pays me.
But even if it doesn’t it would still be worth the journey to go through. I really believe the ride is what you do it for… Not the destination. And writing a book is definately a ride. And so is any endeavor you take on in life, whether it be parenthood, a job, politics, whatever.
But i’m not the person to be writing about politics. I don’t inform myself and to other people I look like someone who shouldn’t vote. Because I don’t know anything, or at least I claim to know nothing of politics.
At least that’s what an exmilitary guy told me. We were hanging around smoking pot and he told me not to vote because in his estimation I wasn’t informed enough. My psychiatrist has told me to stay away from politics because it can make the schizophrenia worse. Take what you will from it, but I think Donald Trump will be our next president. It’s just too perfect for this nation. Reality Star billionaire turned president. It’s like Ronald Regan the movie star being president, except way more juiced up… and more fuck yeah america… at least that’s what I think. I may offend some of you with the whole politics thing, but the country is going to run no matter who’s in there… and you are in control of your life, not anyone in office.
I think 1200 words is a good ending point and my advice to you if your schizophrenic and want to be on the up and up like me is take your medication and ignore the voices if they tell you not to go to work. It’s better to make money and do something with yourself so you can become someone. No matter what kind of disability you have. It hasn’t discouraged me from sales, even though I have my reservations that I’ll ever be successful at a job like that. That’s just one of my fears because I need to keep steady on paying my credit card off so I can get that monkey off my back. This was good I need to do it more often.
Thanks for reading.
I love you,