On that Saturday, the 15th of July, 2017, I lit up a black and mild on my way to my therapist. I smoked half before and half after. Then when I got home, I put on the patch. It’s kept me from buying cigarettes.
I admit, I had a slip today. I smoked 2 black and milds. In the morning. I took the patch off to smoke them, because my mom said that could cause problems, but I put the patch back on after I was done.
That’s it, I quit and I’ve only smoked 2 black and milds since I put on the patch. I don’t even like the taste of tobacco anymore. I’m over it. I only smoke because I want to be bad, and the easiest way for me to be bad is to smoke.
But I don’t want to be bad, I want to be more good. So I’ve been using the patch and chewing nicotine gum. They sent it to me free of charge from the Maryland Quit Line. I told them I was a schizophrenic, and they noted that in my file, that the voices told me to smoke, but I don’t mind. It’s not like the internet doesn’t already know.
I was listening to some of my music today. I recorded a new song, and then I listened to it, and other things I had recorded. It was fun. It also made me think that smoking really played a role in making my mind a bad place to live. In one of the songs I quote “Probably going to die at an early age, put me right in my grave.” Smoking was making me think some awful things.
I hated myself when I was smoking. I knew that it was no good, and I was only doing it because I was addicted. In some of the songs you can hear me coughing over my guitar playing. I really must be done with that.
I quit on July 15th, 2017 and I had a slip, but I want to keep stopping smoking.
I’m chewing the gum right now.
It’s not really that you chew it, you only chew it 5 times or so, and then you “park” it in between your lips and your gum. It gives you a tingle when it’s there just to let you know it’s still poison and you could do without it. But it’s better than smoking, that’s for sure.
There’s no good reason to smoke, and I don’t want to be bad. I want to be good.
I’m working my way out of this hole, and it feels good to be getting free.
I slipped, but I’m still on the way out, and I’m going to get there, God help me.
And I hope He helps you too.
I hope we can do this together, and get set free for the rest of our lives.
Thanks for listening,
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Stab writer's block in the heart.