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Tag: Drinking and Smoking

Schizophrenia And Drinking And Smoking

Yes, you could call me a schizophrenic.

But only if I told you I heard voices everyday.  And had visions of people.  People I know.

And the voices sometimes, a lot of times tell me to drink.  And a lot of times I do.

And basically I’m just praying I live.  Considering I smoke too.

I don’t advise this kind of writing to anyone, it’s too dangerous.

But reading it you might get a kick out of it.

I imagine feet.

That’s just how a schizophrenic writes.

I do my best though, and I really do want to bring massive value to the table.  And what I can tell you is even if your schizophrenic and drink and smoke everyday, you can still hold down a job and give some money to your family.

It would probably be more kid friendly without the smoking and the drinking, but they get by.

And I think my son has hater’s before he’s even done anything.  Because of me.  And my drinking and smoking.  Having a beautiful family.

Really I probably do lead a God damned life with all the drinking, smoking and lottery playing.

But that’s not stopping me from living.

And they say it’s a bad thing, but it’s legal!

What I have to do is find a way to get more traffic so more people see my list and will subscribe to it.

Because that’s how they say you can build a business.

It’s already costing me money to keep this site running, and I’m not making any money off of it yet.  I hope I will.  I hope that this is one of the ways I make my money.  The other two being my job and the lottery.

But really some authors think you should keep it a secret.  I say let it out and that way when you win people will have something to look at.  The story leading up to the win.  They can look back on it, and learn from you, and hopefully for some of them they learn how to win the lottery too!

Because that would just be awesome.  Getting a testimonial or several from people who have read your work, and then won the lottery.  Hit the jackpot.  Shared it with another person or won the whole thing.  Stories of both.  Because you won and shared what you knew.  It had a positive effect on the world.

The bible would probably say that is God damned too.  The bible with all of this God damnedness.

I’m probably no better than the devil though.  I’ll probably burn in hell when this life is over.  I’m a schizophrenic and when I go to church the preachers voice tells me not to drink and it makes me shaky.  I know they are just voices, but sometimes it’s like my body is listening to them when they tell me to die.

But I know it’s not.  I know I just have to be stronger.  I’m only 32.  I could suffer another 20 or 30 years this way.  This is far from over.  And I might even quit the life and live clean and sober and start running.

But really I’m already well pretty accustomed to this way of life.  I like it.  I enjoy the ride.

Probably would be going straight to hell though, that is if I believed in a hell.

Even if I do win the lottery and give large sums of money away to charity, people will probably call me evil.

That would be me just living life on earth.  Taking the lovers with the haters.

I want to walk the walk.  So I’m going to write the best blog post I can possibly write, right now.

And how do I create the worlds most valuable piece of writing everyday?

Just write and see what happens.

Probably with the drinking and smoking it will be less than average.  Or it will be stupendous.

I don’t know, you tell me in the comments.

What I can tell you is that I’m optimistic about tonight’s lottery.  I think I’m going to win.  Before I bought the two first tickets I wrote out a page in my journal about how I was a lottery winner, and drank my first glass of wine.

Then I went out and bought the first two tickets.

Then I ran out of cigarettes and went out and bought two more.

So I spent 8 dollars on lottery tickets today, and I’m praying I’ll win.  I’m praying to the universe, to my subconscious mind.

And what I’m hoping is that MY subconscious mind is powerful enough to influence a national lottery game.

Maybe I’m trying to catch the breeze with this one.

Maybe I’ll just buy my tickets and hope I win but do no more than that.

I doubt it.  I’ll probably never quit, and keep the faith, and eventually win.

I might even win a few times.  Just to win more money.  Just to be a winner.

If I could design it that’s what would happen.  I would win big several times.

I’m hoping that the 165 million on the line tonight is already mine.

I’ll write about it if I win, whether I take the money anonymously or not.

Then the world could see what I’m really all about.

Having schizophrenia, and drinking and smoking, and working a job, and taking care of my family, and cleaning the house, and writing, and playing guitar, and being a brother, and being a friend, and loving food, and dancing.

Well maybe not so much the dancing, but it’s more of a metaphor.

The dance of life.

And part of what I want to tell the world is that I love my wife.  So for all of you ladies out there, I’m taken, and I don’t plan on going back to a life of cheating any time soon.

I’m going to have a vasectomy so it will be impossible for us to have any more children, as anyone with schizophrenia should do.


But really,  Part of me thinks people just win the lottery.  There’s hardly ever any will involved.  People win by chance.

Sure maybe they get feelings like they are going to win, but I make myself have those everyday, and I haven’t won.  Of course that doesn’t mean I won’t win tonight.

I’ve already done a lot of work to win the jackpot.  I think it’s only a matter of time.  I would be famous if that happened, and this website and the Jesse Creel brand would explode.

How did I do it?

I drank and smoked, and played to win.  I wrote in my journal and I worked hard everyday.  I got to a place where I was secure at my job.  I succeeded at my job.  I helped my family.  I got to a better place.  I recovered from a loss.  Then I won the jackpot.  Then I got everything I wanted.  It was a miracle.  It was my special time.  I was a multi millionaire.

That’s how the story goes.

That’s how my story goes.  And if it’s madness I don’t care.  I like it and I’m a valuable part of society.  I deliver food as a day job.

Hopefully your reading this and I am already a multimillionaire.  Maybe you want to learn how to do the same for your own life.  I tell you my secret.  Never give up.

Even if the voices tell you that your wrong and your doing bad things, and things will never work out, and your going to die, you can STILL work a job and be a effective member of your family and your community.

Take the next step further like I do and keep a blog and you’ll start to influence the whole world.

There are going to be some special people that find your work and read your blog.  They will leave comments and tell you what they think about it.  Most of them will be nice.  You will like getting comments.  Subscribers would be better, but comments are still good.  They let you know how your doing.

And along with my own self navigation and the comments, I am lead to believe I’m doing good.  And I want more.  I must write.  I must deliver the content.  To the masses.  To my people.  To my good people.  The good people of the world.


I would say that “All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.” -Ambrose Bierce

If I win the jackpot they will probably call me a prophet.  If I don’t a madman.

I’d rather have the former.

And I’m optimistic that I will.

Maybe I might lose some readers, but I stand to gain fame and fortune.

Time will tell what happens.

For now I stay optimistic.

I do the work on the lottery, though I don’t know that my work of writing and praying really does anything to your chances of winning.  Spiritually I think it does have an effect on your life.  Praying to win.  But I do it, because I never give up and I MUST win.  And if I get going once, I’m probably going to want to win a couple more times too, and I’m going to write about the whole thing.  It really should be spectacular.

And I do rock and roll albums too.

I have one in the works.

You can hear a sample of me playing guitar and singing here.

It’s not much.  It’s only about 10 years worth of work.  Maybe there is such a thing as not being able to work it into a success, but I can’t accept that.

I MUST keep doing what I do, even if it’s not good.

It’s all I know how to do.

I’m probably just too hard on myself, and I’m really great, I just need to keep working.

So keep working I will.

On this blog, on my job, on my life, on my family, on my friends, on the things that are important most to me.  Drinking and smoking the whole way through it.

But maybe I’ll win the jackpot tonight.  I’m very optimistic that I will.  And that I’ll have a good story to tell about it.  And that’s going to happen.


I guess in the end it doesn’t matter anyways.  I say go for it.  It may be on the edge of madness but it’s also on the brink of genius.  Then again, that’s just what I think, go ahead and form your own opinion.  Am I crazy, or just crazy good?

Maybe if I got sober I would stand a better chance at manifesting a lottery win.  Maybe not.  All I know is my story could be killer.

It’s going to be glorious to help other people out, and what comes around goes around.

I hope the best life for you,

Thanks for reading,

Jesse Creel

The Process Of Writing And Then Putting An Ebook Up For Sale

Because that’s what I’m doing right now.

Right now I’m waiting.

Waiting for my 2 friends that would read it, to read it, and then tell me what they thought of it.

For one of them I even printed it out so he could take notes on it like we had talked about in our text message.

I don’t name names.  But I will in the Thank You part of my ebook.  To my two friends for reading it.

Then again it could be that they tell me they don’t like it and I shouldn’t put it up for sale.

I put 40 hours into the ebook.  That’s a workweek.  And if I’m good that could pay me.  And I REALLY want to see how good I am.

And I want to get better with each day.  I want to improve.  And I want other people to improve also.  And I love it when I get on with people that are moving in the same direction as me, doing the same stuff, and their growing too!  It’s amazing.  I love it when people are improving.

And when the bad voices come I just have to find an empowering meaning for things.

I was finishing the pack of cigarettes and I kept hearing this noise, like an animal was moving around in the gutters of the house and when I looked up it didn’t look like it was possible for an animal to be messing around in the gutters.  The sound didn’t even sound like it could have come from the areas where the gutters were.  It was bizarre.  The voices said it was the devil and the jist of it is here’s because I’m smoking.

I finished the pack.

I don’t want to buy anymore, and I have off tonight, and the next two days, so I’m going to try and get a head start before I have to go back to work on the quitting the cigarettes thing.

Then again, part of me wants to buy a pack right now. And in the past I’ve written about quitting and then bought a pack right after I finished writing.  I guess you could say I have a problem.  And it’s a legal problem.

The government allows people to drink and smoke.

I don’t recommend it though.

Sure a glass a day of the red is good for you.

But really past that is excess and your kicking your own ass.

The voices for me tell me a lot to get drunk.

I mean that’s really what I’m in the process of doing anyways.  They just want to see me continue on doing what I’m doing.  Drinking.

Not that it can’t be good for you.

But really I just need to stop it and clean up and get my act together, and pay off my credit card, and be sober and deal with the suffering of that.  And be a good person who loves God.

I guess that would really be my dream life until my ebook sales took off and I started to have more money.

Because you know if I’m rich I’ll be drinking.  I’ll have plenty of money to have a bar in my house.  People could come over and drink.  Not too much though.  I don’t want to be providing all the good times for everyone.  Really I’ll buy the bar so my family and couple friends I still have left could come over and have a drink.  Maybe one time I may pick up a homeless person and bring them over my house to eat.

On second thought, I’d probably save them the suffering and just give them a hundred dollars.  That’s a dream of mine.  Having a 100 dollars, or even just 20 dollars to give to a homeless person, or someone in need.

I bet if I stop drinking all that wine and smoking all them cigarettes I would have it when other people needed it.

And first and foremost my wife.  Because she’s taking a paycut for the summer and is going to be short on money.  This is not good.  I’m going to have to come up with extra money.  My family needs me.

And I will come up with it, and maybe some of it will come from the e book sales.  I’m only days away from getting it up f0r sale.  But the best chance of me coming up with extra money right now is to quit the cigarettes and the wine.  That would save me hundreds of dollars a month.  Money my wife will need just to pay the bills.

So I will be sure to keep you up to date on this blog as to how it goes.  I’m going to be writing everyday for a while so it’s going to come out.  That’s one of the bad and good things about writing for 90 days.  You go deep.  It can be uncomfortable.  But you grow tremendously if you keep going.

And I know that if we aim to improve we are going to get better.  So there’s no need to worry or fear.  Most of our worries won’t come true anyways.  So what’s the sense in worrying about anything!

What’s the million dollar value for you here?

It’s that if you’ve been drinking and smoking for years, and for years you’ve had no success, take heart, if you keep trying you can find success!

I’m a prime example of that.

I tried for years to make it in a sales job, and it’s not until recently that it’s just started to work out.

Granted the voices tell me that I’m throwing it all away by smoking, I’m still having success.  And really i may never quit.

I may never experience the holy spirit as the thing that fills you up.   I’ll fill myself with wine and smoke, and write, and make a living at it.

Then again, I may be sober.  Only time will tell.  And Thank God your reading this blog, because you will get to know.

That’s all I can say at this point.  But I’ve got to say that I’m a writer.  Otherwise I couldn’t do this 1,000 words a day.  And i say the same could be for anyone.  And all you need to do is start a blog.  And people will read and comment on it.  It will be an experience for you.  A good one.  And it could pay if your good enough!

Because PEOPLE, the ebook is coming.  And it should be a success!  I put 40 hours of hard work into it, and I think that I’ll have to sell more than 2 copies to get 1 hour’s pay from my hourly job.  So if I worked 40 hours at my hourly job I would get paid 480 dollars before taxes.  We’ll just have to see how writing stacks up against my hourly job.

I KNOW it can do better.  I think profits are better than wages and that’s what you can get from an ebook, and THANK GOD for that.  Thank God we can free ourselves from our jobs, are at least TRY to.  I know this has to be of value to you because I’m really putting my passion into this.

And why is this valuable for you?

Why is this million dollar value?

Because I am like any other human being, and I too have a million dollar miracle inside of me.  I can make it happen in my life so my life and the lives of the people around me get better.  And I really believe that ANYONE could do the exact same thing.

So here’s to you, here’s to you really going out there and getting it.  Working harder on your life in your personal time than you do at your job.  And you work hard at your job.  But you work harder at your life, so you can sell ebooks and blog and making a living as an entrepreneur selling from anywhere in the world.

This is what I think it takes to get a business off the ground while your still working your hourly job.  Work harder on your launch than you do on your job.  And work hard on your job.

That’s all for now.  I really want to write longer posts for all of you, and I’m working on that.  Thanks for reading, may you live a blessed life.

Jesse Creel

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