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Tag: Drinking

Schizophrenia And Starting A Business Online

Some of the voices call me a faggot.  Sometimes I feel like I’m walking and talking like I’m gay.  I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be gay, my uncle is gay.  I do think that I’m not gay, I just may sometimes look like I’m gay.  Like today when I was doing a lunch delivery.

You see, I’ve been doing these sales calls and when I do the regular work in the store I feel like the sales calls effect me.  They effect how I look and speak.  Sometimes I think in business you might be better off queer as a schizophrenic.

Nevermind that, I have a wife and 2 kids.  I’m not gay.  I’ve entertained the idea of gay sex, but I’ve never really been able to jerk off to it, if that tells you anything.  I will say that jerking off is doctor recommended.  I’ve read it in a book my counselor recommended I buy.  I did buy it and I’ve read more than half of it, and it helps.  So does talk therapy and medication.

The jist of it is it isn’t easy.

If your working on personal issues when your trying to sell it becomes even more difficult.  That’s why personal development is so recommended for salespeople.  They say if you don’t have a daily program your in trouble.

I do have a daily program.  I try, oh I try, to make it happen everyday.  I fail miserably.  I smoke cigarettes at 5 in the morning and fail to go to work because I feel so sick from not sleeping and smoking.  This is a terrible disservice to me and my family, not to mention all that’s good in the world.

So as far as personal development goes, this schizophrenic is trying and suffering and failing.  When I make a decision to stop smoking, something gets in the way.  Today it was my car making noises.

Today I was driving around seeking sales at neighborhood schools and towards the end of it my car started making a machine gun sound coming out of the driver side front wheel well.  My car is old and it’s got over 215,000 miles on it, I don’t know how much longer it’s going to last.  I wasn’t thinking about the future spending all that money on alcohol, and cigarettes, and now I have a problem that I hope doesn’t exceed my $2,500 credit card limit.  That would take me up to $17,500, because I need a car to drive for my job.  That is, if it took that much.

The problem is I made a decision to quit smoking and start saving money and paying my credit card off in January of 2017.  It’s now September 7th, and I’m still smoking.  This is the life of a schizophrenic.

This blog will be my testament that I did it, that is if I ever do.  That I quit smoking, and don’t drink to excess, and paid my credit card bill off, and I’m exercising, and I’m making more money, and my life has gotten amazingly better, because I made those decisions.  I just have to keep holding out that I have it in me to do it, although the chest pains are almost becoming comfortable.

My mind is fucked up, and my writing shows it.  I hope only that you can get something out of this, from my first hand experience of schizophrenia and starting an online business.

I know this hasn’t been about online business.  It’s been about my day. But I seek to deliver the goods so this is the story about a schizophrenic who tries to start an online business.

You see (and they tell me to “see” often) it’s become apparent to me that starting an online business isn’t easy.

I would think it takes hard work, but I’ve been working hard, and I still am not seeing any money.  It’s been over a year since I started this website.  How do you start a business online?

My original thought, which is still my thought today, is you create quality, valuable content and you get people to subscribe to your email list because they like what you write so much.  This is my 108th post and I have 2 subscribers to date, myself and a close friend of mine who I asked personally to subscribe.  I figured that presidents vote for themselves so I should be subscribed to my own email list.  At any rate, I have only 2 subscribers to show for all the work I’ve put into this blog.  No one wants to subscribe.

So really, that’s for now, how it goes when your a schizophrenic and want to start a business online.

I think it’s time I spend some time doing housework and serving my family so I’m going to wrap this up.  For now  I want you to know that I believe I can do it, just that the road is rough.  I heard it in a song and I think it’s accurate.  I’m going to keep going and if you check back on this blog, or subscribe to the email list you’ll get updates and you’ll get to better know this schizophrenic’s story.

Thanks for reading and have a Great Day,

Jesse Creel

Working A Job To Pay The Bills

Nothing special here.  But I think you can make the mundane into something spectacular with your attitude.

“The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.” ~ William James

So part of me thinks that  I just need to adopt the attitude that the drinking and smoking is good for me and that I’m better off with it than without it.

Because I’m doing it even though I want to stop.

I tried quitting this week.  Just led to more drinking and smoking.

I still work though, I still love my family, I still take care of my responsibilities.

You could say the drinking and the smoking ARE good things.

What can I teach you?

I can teach you how to read good work…. because if your drinking and smoking and feeling like it’s killing you, but are doing it anyway, you may as well write and see what comes of it.

Probably nothing will come of it at all…

But I don’t believe that’s true for me, and I don’t believe that’s true for you either.

I believe we have to work towards our dreams and making something great of ourselves.

Even if we’re not living by our values.  We can still do pretty good as drunks and addicts.

I guess that’s my message.

If your messed up, keep going, whether you have a choice or not depends on how deep you’ve gone.  Maybe it’s too late.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I like drinking and smoking and part of me wants to keep doing it.

What good is this for you?

What can this do for you?

Maybe you could call me entertainment.  Something to read.  Something to look at.  Something special to see.

I don’t know, you make the call.

What I can tell you is I love my life and anyone can do this, even if your drunk.

But I’m not drunk.

On most days I don’t get drunk, no matter how much I drink.

4 or 5 glasses of wine and I’m feeling better but not drunk.

This is probably just a reason to send me to rehab.  This blog.  But I think I can really make something of it.  I think I can make this my job.  GET PAID to do it.

We’ll see how it goes.  For now I’m just writing and hoping I can build an audience.

Judging by the comments I’m doing a pretty good job connecting with people, but I want to do a lot more.  I want YOU on my list.

And in order for that to happen I really have to write some pristine stuff.  Something of great value to you.  And I really want to do that.

Part of me thinks that I can entertain you with my delusions.

I’m a schizophrenic and most people won’t hear about this stuff when I talk to them in person, so what better place to put it down then my blog.

Maybe that’s a mistake, and it’s just going to piss you off that I put myself out there, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.  I might be able to touch people.

Like when I hear the voices and then I hear real people talking like the voices, not talking to me, but saying things out loud when I’m near them, that make me think they can hear what I’m thinking.

It’s all a delusion.  That’s part of the disease.  But you can really make it into a lifetime of spiritual experience if you adopt the attitude that the voices are a blessing.

Sure their are good voices and then there are bad voices, but the bad voices only serve to force you to find empowering meanings to the things that are happening to you.  So you can find good things in the bad things as well.  And plenty of bad voices talk to me on a regular basis.

Nothing really bad has happened to me in this life, so far.  In fact, I’ve been overwhelmingly blessed.  I have a beautiful wife and family.  2 kids.  A girl AND a boy!  I was so excited when I heard I was having a boy.  Thank God, someone who can replace me when I’m gone.

Not that having another girl wouldn’t have been a blessing.  It would have.  But we had a boy.

That was after a miscarriage, when we were going to have another girl.  But I guess that just wasn’t meant to be.  It disturbed my wife a little.  But we’re fine.

I’m telling you all of this because I like writing.  And because I think you might enjoy it.  And because I think that somehow, someway I could make money off of this blog. Is that really such a bad thing.

Some people would probably call me a scammer, selling overpriced information to the masses just to profit and watch the majority of them fail to their own detriment.

But I believe failure is just learning.  And that you MUST fail before you become successful, so really, who doesn’t want to fail.

But now the time has come for you and me to succeed.  I MUST succeed.  Success is my only option.  I am overly optimistic about the future.  I am going to be a success.  The world loves drinking and smoking.  There is nothing wrong with me.  This is NOT heroine.  I guess that’s just my justification.

Where do we go from here?

Improvement is the answer.

The voices tell me the answer is to die.  I just can’t believe that.  I can’t die.  I have a family.

The answer is to improve.

When the voices tell me to die, I think about how I can improve instead, because what else is there to do when you think your dying?

You can either go with the voices and visualize your life ending, or you can rise above it, be empowered, and think how you can improve your life.

When I ask myself how I can improve my life the voices tell me to quit smoking.  Maybe their right.  Maybe I will stop smoking.  But right now I’m addicted and can’t quit.

I spent my last $11.00 on cigarettes and a Rockstar energy drink.  This morning.

And I went to work and did my job.

And that’s what I’m going to do all week.  Go to work and do my job.  I have to be there at 10am tomorrow.  I might even get to do some sales calls this week and that would be good because I get mileage money.

But I guess I can’t expect you to listen to me when I’m only making $20,000.00 dollars dollars a year.

I’ve got to do better and make more.

Although that’s probably not going to happen.

So what do I have to do to improve?

I think I just have to write the best stuff on the planet so I can make my living off writing.

Or is that bullshit?

Is it bullshit to want to write for a living?

Many people I think would say no, it’s not bullshit.

But I think there would be some that say you should only do it for the art, and not to make money.

At this point I’m going to write whether I’m paid to do it or not, because I like to see the comments.

And I’m trying to split the atom here people.   I couldn’t do it with rock and roll so I’m giving writing a try.  Maybe I will come off better.

Because I’ve put it out there that I was the lead singer of Tigerstyle from the Old Bowie Town Grille.  I’m not going into that.

Other than to say I had a terrible time trying to be a rock and roll lead singer.

But I would do it again, and this time better, and we would make money from being a band.  People would WANT us to play for them.  And they would pay money to do so.  That’s just the way I see it.  And if I ever get rich and have time freedom, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.  I’m going to start another rock and roll band.

And make the absolute most of it that I could make.  Like I do with all other things in my life.  Make the most of them.  Make the most of my family, of my job, of my writing, of my drinking and smoking, of my walking, of my eating, of my showers, of my life.

This will be bad and good.  Writing all these things down for the internet.  My voices hear things I write on the blog and they tell me so.  It happens immediately.

As soon as I write it on the blog my voices are already talking about it.

But I can do it.  I know I can go to my job.  That’s really what this blog is about.  My job.  My income.  $20,000.00 a year.

I’d like to take it to $60,000.00 a year.  That would be a big jump and easy enough to fuel my drinking and smoking habit for as long as I wanted.  I would have to get a new job though and that would be scary.

I would definitely want some money saved up in case I didn’t sell and had to go back to my old job.

But the way I look at it is, I want to put at least another 3 years into my current job, and see if I can really take off as a salesman there, and then decide if I want to move or not.  They did tell me that I might be able to get an office job.  That would probably come with a raise and it might be worth it to stay.

I figure any job is a good job as long as your doing it.

And I can do my job.  I’m actually really good at it even though I’m a schizophrenic.  It’s incredibly easy work.  There’s no selling you HAVE to do in the store.  You just make sandwiches and sell ham and turkey.

I of course like to add an element of selling to everything I do.  So when I’m pulling ham and turkey out for people I’m really giving them the whole show.  The whole deal is designed to please the customer and I love being a part of that.  There is money involved and other people’s good feelings.  It’s really nice to be a part of.

This job is the second best job I’ve ever had, that I’ve done the best at.  The first was making guitars, and I got paid a lot more to do that than to sell hams…. but I couldn’t do it anymore.  I had to get out of there.  I really messed up for my to-be family.

But now I have the dream of writing and I’m optimistic that I can make it happen for myself.  For YOU, to make YOUR life better.  That’s what I want to do, because I figure that’s how you get paid.  Make people’s lives better, and you CAN get paid.

So really now, I can’t even play a lick on the guitar, even though I spent almost 15 years doing it.   I can however write to you and tell you how dear you are to me, and that I wish only great success, health, wealth, and wisdom for you.  Brings a tear to my eyes.

Because I know that you are just a part of me, and there is no better way to treat myself than to wish for my own success, health, wealth, and wisdom.  So go out there and make something of yourself that you can write about.  Go out there and blog and do the thing you were made to do.  Make it happen for yourself and your family and do the right things.  You can do it!  I believe in you!

Thank you for reading, you inspire me,

Jesse Creel

I Propose We Will Find A Way If We Merely Take Action

And the action I propose is writing.

You can grow a lot by writing, and get to know yourself better, so even if you didn’t make any money I believe it would still be worth doing.

But the point here, for me, and you, is to MAKE MONEY!  EARN MONEY!!

And I propose you can do that by being a valuable person, and by writing.  Take action and live the life of your dreams.

Maybe that means just paying your debts.  Maybe it means supporting your family.  Maybe it means giving to the church.  Maybe it means giving to your favorite organization.  It could mean anything, the choice is yours.

I say write. Write for your freedom.  Write for your independence.  Write for your riches.

It can be done, and all you have to do to find proof is to look at the world.  People everywhere are setting themselves free of the 9-5 and working as their own boss with people working for them!

Read “The Four Hour Workweek”.  It will change your life for the better.

The one thing that doesn’t work for me about that book though, is the mobility.  He says in order to live like a millionaire you have to be able to relocate, and that is not an option for me.

So I have to write the best stuff so I can please you so you’ll buy my stuff.  So I can quit my job and live a life of freedom.  And it wouldn’t take much to be able to quit my job.  I make less than 20,000 dollars a year.  I propose that I, or YOU, could make that in a month off of our writing.

And I’ve got to do it.  I must do it.  For my family and for my church.

And I’ve got to do it.  I must provide the best stuff in the world.  That’s my mission.  To make the best writing in the world.  All I know is that I get better with each day.

Here is a poem written by yours truly, Jesse Creel.

Ode To Writing

Oh how you make me live

Oh how I could make a better life

I dream of you, to be a better person

The drinking and the smoking stimulates you

But I don’t know how long I can go on this way

For the rest of my life?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that I must work my hourly job

Because I haven’t made it yet on the internet.

But I will make it on the internet,

and be successful.

Be a man of value.

That’s what I propose I can do.

And it’s simple, just live by your values

Oh my values.

The drinking and the smoking was a big part of my twenties

And so was rock and roll

And don’t you know

You have to write to be a rock and roller

So you drink and you smoke and you write.

That’s rock and roll.

And I haven’t stopped.

Still drinking and smoking, even though I want to stop.

To make my life better.

But I figure the best thing I can do is to write.

So here I am, with me and you, and we’re doing the thing.

Reading and writing.

I propose you could make a fortune doing it.

And have your glass of red a day.

It’s good for you.

And it could be good for the writing.

They say that there is a rich poetic tradition of drinking and writing.

I say the shit could kill you, but take courage.

I do it.

And I’m writing.

That’s my ticket.

I say no matter what’s happening you can write.

And you can get your ideas out there with the power of the internet and blogging,

And you could rule your world!

That’s what I say.

Do it, do the thing and you will have the power.

In this case the thing is writing.

Ode to writing, you make me live.

The drinking and the smoking doesn’t stop me.  I can do it.

Ode to writing,

The passion for improvement,

Can I do it living this way?

Must I change?

I think I must.

I must be the most valuable person on the planet.

And if I fall short, who will care?

I say strive to be the best of the best, and improve everyday, and who knows? You might get there!

Ode to writing, you make me live.

You bring me people, they have things to say.

Things to say about me.

I can grow with them, Ode to writing.

Even though I’m drinking and smoking, I’m still progressing.

I’m still making progress.

And I don’t know, this whole drinking and smoking thing could really be the fuel for the writing.

But it may come out like crap.  I don’t want that.  I want the most valuable stuff in the world.

And I want YOU to create the most valuable stuff in the world too!

We can do it together by reading and writing.  That’s what I say.  And maybe we’ll get rich with a network marketing company.  You never know what might happen!

Ode to writing, you make me want to sober up.  And you don’t.  I want to live for you, I want to give for you, Ode to writing, help me, help me now.

And I believe writing WILL help me.  I believe it’s my ticket out.  I believe I can help you.  I believe I can entertain you.  I believe I can be a business man for you.  I believe that we can do it all together.  We can mastermind.

Ode to writing, this is my poem.

It’s for writing, it’s for my family, it’s for you, my audience.  It’s for people who want to write, and do so whatever is going on in their life.  It’s for the people who are moved to make a better life for themselves by becoming more valuable.

And isn’t writing valuable?

I would say that it is.  And it’s one of the most powerful things you can do as a human being to make your life better.

Ode to writing, it’s not all that bad.  You make me smile, and I am grateful for you.  Thank you writing for all you have given me.


That’s my poem.

I hope you enjoyed it, it came off the cuff, as most of my stuff does.

I hope you like my stuff and I hope you want more.  Furthermore I hope that you will gladly pay money to have MORE of my stuff, in full length, ready for your consumption.

I will have that stuff for you, IF you want it.  It’s coming.  And together I believe we can grow and become better people.

But this is only a start, there is much yet to come.

So stay tuned, and sign up for the updates to so that you can get the latest blog posts sent right to your email address.

Thanks for reading and God Bless.  Love you,

Jesse Creel

Schizophrenia, Making Money Online, Writing, Writing as a Profession, Winning the Lottery

So schizophrenia, sometimes it isn’t helpful.  It’s full of death and decay and loss and hatred.  Other times it’s a blessing.  Like when the voices start talking about me winning the lottery.

But I think this blog could be my platform, to financial freedom, and time freedom.  That’s what I want.  And I want you to have it to.  That’s why I fully encourage you start your own blog and write about whatever you want.

I like to write about schizophrenia, and working to support a family, or really to pay off my credit card.  I had a pretty good time with it and now I’m done.  The only thing I use the credit card for now is my Netflix subscription and the fee for the website.

I use GoDaddy and they only charge 8 dollars for hosting the wordpress site so I think it’s a pretty good deal.  I got the domain name for 10 years.  That cost my 90 dollars.  I figure you save if you go big.

I was lounging a little in the chair and the voices told me to get to work.  That’s encouraging and is helpful.  The schizophrenia is a blessing.  It also tells me not to smoke, it was just begging me please.  I should really stop for more than one reason.

But I have to smoke when I’m working and I really like having those cigarettes on deliveries.

Because that’s what I do for a job.  I cut meats, and make whatever they need me to, and I drive deliveries.

Today there was 4 big orders for box lunches.  They had two entire tables setup making sandwhiches.  The meat all layed out on the bread.  The managers get right in there and help and they always talk about doing it fast.

He’s going to be doing deliveries for a living one of the voices says.  While I’m thinking about the main manager who runs the whole show.  I won’t mention any names because I don’t want to drag anyone else into my personal story.  But there they were right in the thick of it, making sandwhiches and directing the people on what to do and how to do it.

And how to do it fast.

I hear voices talking but I can’t make out what their saying.  One of them says that I’m doing it.  I am doing it.  I’m doing it right now, and so can you.  People will give you money for this sort of thing if you do it the right way.  But it all starts with traffic.  I know this because I was part of the Empower Network.  I learned all about network marketing, online marketing, offline marketing, and a blog is great way to market yourself for free on the internet.  I had a blog I would write on and all I wrote about was how to make money online.

He’s getting his appearance from honey ham and I can hear the managers voice in my head.  Powerful people write this stuff another voice says.

But I was into blogging.  I like to read and I like to write.  I think it’s good for the mind body soul.  I also like running.  I go 2 times a week.  I would like to go more, I like going on my days off.  I haven’t gone yet this week, it’s gotten away from me, but I want to go more, and smoke even less.

I hear another managers voice but I can’t make out what they are saying, I hear they now saying what chew.  What chew writing for they say.  Maybe they don’t like me to write about them.  My laptop just suddenly died on me and I lost a third of a book I was writing.  I shouldn’t speak any more of that.  I still want to write a book.  Something I could sell on this site.

When I think about writing the book and selling it online and offline for 10 dollars a copy I see in a vision the number 6.66.  It just came to me.  I think about God and Jesus and how he died for my sins and I thank him and all his great works.

And I thank him now for receiving 100 million dollars, now.

And for more peace and love in the universe.

And may we all have fun.

We got work to do the voices say, there’s no time for fun they say.

I have to be at work at 7 tomorrow. Which is way different than 10 and still different from 9.  Which are the times that I usually come in.  There’s a huge order for Preakness.

My boss let me go early today by a half hour.  I was there until 3:30.  I went in at 9:15, I had to get my tooth fixed which fell out.  I have an implant where there was bone grafting done by an oral surgeon.  That’s pretty permenant but that’s just a metal rod that comes out of my gums.  The tooth is a separate part and the cement just wore off and as the dentists assistant put it, it failed.  But they got the sucker back in there and cemented it.  I haven’t had any apples yet but it seems to be in there good so far.  I guess I’ll have to keep cementing it on there whenever it falls off.  I’m going back there for a cleaning on Tuesday.  Which I should be off for.

I’m glad I worked the whole week.  I’ve been on 7,8, and 9 hour days so far and they’re not bad.  I like the money.  I love the money.  And I love getting good tips.  A 20 is a good tip and we split it all back at the shop.

My managers voice says that I have a check for you.  The other voices say it’s for 50 million dollars, I think I could really work with that.  I could proliferate the ideas on this blog and get something going.  It could be massive.  People joining network marketing companies like nobodies business.

700 dollars is a lot of money to you the voices say.  I think that a billion dollars is a lot of money, I only want 100 million.  The impossible number the voices say.  I believe that one day I hit the jackpot, and the voices say that time is light years away.  And I think that it doesn’t have to be exactly 100 million either.  It can be for whatever’s being played for.  100 million and up.

August 13th, we move into a new house the voices say.  I added in the moving into the new house part, because we could if I won on May 29th.  Which the voices have also said I would hit the jackpot.  If no one wins the powerball it will be right up there around 100 million for that weekends drawing.  Get back the voices say.

I should really call it the schizophrenia for SEO purposes.  Or would the voices be better.  Really I’m just writing from the heart and letting the traffic come organically, just like the cigarettes I smoke.  American Spirits.

At least that’s what I’m trying to cut back more on.

I got the trash taken out and the bins brought in, finally after 3 days of sitting there.  I don’t think the neighbors mind me, they all like the grass. It was Meg’s idea, getting the grass done.  So we sodded the whole front yard.

Had to tear it up first.  That was the real work.  Once it was all soil the sod went down easy.  It was raining for some of it, and the voices were just in my head telling me to write other voices down, I guess instead of theirs.

My dad did come over and helped cut a root out of the ground, both Mr. Bob and I were grateful he came over so quickly.  He was working in the rain with us.  He stayed and helped carry some sod too.  Working with them is awesome.  They know how to do things and they get shit done.

But I want to manifest money and I’ m looking for people who are like minded who enjoy reading this blog enough that they want to pay me for it.  I could offer other things too like original guitar recordings with freestyling by me Jesse Creel.  It’s raw stuff but it’s real and you can hear it on this blog.  I could put together a package for you that would include music tracks just for you.  Recorded fresh and made to order, or at least that’s how I would start this off.  Eventually the work would all be done and I would just be generating an income.  I want your help.  I want your advice… do you think it’s right for me to start another network marketing business after I get rich playing the lottery?

I could still rely on natural traffic from this blog and I could ad to it with paid advertising.  Get people to the blog, get them hooked on the writing, and go with the flow.  Have a dream and run with it.  Do what you love and the money will follow an old teacher told me.

Make money online, I can show you how to do it. I’m doing it right now in front of you.  You write.  You market yourself.  You get people to know you and like you.  I put it all out there with the whole cigarette smoking thing and the drinking and smoking pot.  I know there all vices that makes me a bad person pretty much.  I want to stop, but the pot really mellows me out and I like to smoke before work.  It motivates me.  It’s also good before a run.


I just went out for a smoke and as I was walking in the culmination of the voices outside told me to go home.  I’m going through a hard time with the quitting of the smoking and I have one in cases such as these.  It stimulates the mind but it hurts the body and I really need to cut it out.  I’m addicted though and have to smoke at work.

The power was out today for about an hour and half and it delayed the writing.  I called BGE after talking with Meg and they said, the recording said there was a crew on site and they were working on it now.  Now the power’s fine.

Would a weaklink manifest 100 million dollars I ask the voices after some time thinking about things I don’t want to write about.  Yes! the voices yell.  You didn’t tell me it was me they say.  It’s because I’m not naming who they are.

Your freebasing cocain with that money the voices say, a combination of them one finishing the others sentence.  I am not freebasing anything all I do is smoke a little reefer and most of the people I’ve hung out with don’t even consider pot a drug. It’s harmless most of them think and it’s a culture to smoke it and be part of the culture.

The voices say drinking confuses my people.  I just can’t believe anything contrary to my goals.  And one of my goals is to have a happy following massive in size.  And I’m taking over one blog post at a time.

DO you even pay attention to yourself the voices ask me.  Yes I pay attention to myself  I’m alone all the time.

See what your doing to yourself by drinking way to much wine the voices call out.  I don’t think I’m drinking too much, I’ve only had 2 glasses today.  It’s 6:35 and I’m doing fine.  Lucky numbers…. But then again their all lucky numbers.  They’re not the voices scream.  I’m lucky and I’m going to win the lottery despite my wife hating when I talk about it.  She doesn’t like the lottery or network marketing, both of which I love.  I guess we just have different tastes in life.  She thinks network marketing is all bullshit I quote but I think it’s good and good to make lots of money with.  It’s a hard life doing what you do the voices say.  I say my life is easy and there are lots of shortcuts to money the voices finish.  I can do this, I can do network marketing, I can win the lottery, I can write a book, I can get traffic to this blog, I can become healthy again.

I’m thinking about one of my coworkers, a girl with a newborn and a helpful partner, and about and sharing with her and I hear the voices say they don’t want to be part of this club.

The wine is good and I want subway.  I got 15 dollars today at work, driving a delivery to Laruel Racetrack.  12 bags of 9 and 1 bag of 2.  It wasn’t much trouble finding Susan, the food and drink manager.  They’re getting a delivery tomorrow and on Saturday.  I won’t be there Saturday.  One more day and I’m off for the weekend.  Whoo Hooo!

I don’t want you sticking up for me the voices say.  The ice in my wine crackles.  The schizophrenia is a blessing, but it is constant.  I’m always hearing it.  Schizophrenia this and schizophrenia that.  I told a house remodeling sales leader that I wanted to be empowered by the schizophrenia and look at it as a blessing.  Something to support me and uplift me.  We are the voices yell.  We’re empowering you to drink more they say.  I am almost empty and could use another.  I get a kick out of drinking and writing.

But as I wrap this up I was thinking of having a collection of blog posts published and sold as hard and soft covers.  I could get publishers to read my blog and get hooked up that way.  The point is not only to make money online but to connect with people in a meaningful way.  But making money online that’s my jam.  And you can do it to.  Connect with me and we can talk business.  It’s only 125 a month to start and from there you can spend 5000 on the rest of the products.  It pays 100% commissions so the resell is awesome.  That is if you can get a million people to join.  And buy the masters course.  The schizophrenia says real.  I have another sip of wine.    TO wrap it up I believe I hit the jackpot, I love my family, and I love my time, which equals my life because I once read that that’s what life is made out of, time.  So if you love life you love your time.  And I love what I do.  And I love you to.  More peace and love into the universe now.  I thank you for reading.  God Bless.



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