Personal Development

For Positive Change

Tag: Hearing Voices

A Tip If Your Schizophrenic And Love Personal Development

That tip is simple.

Put What The Voices Say Into Your Own Words

I’ve been experimenting with this for a while, and it just came to light that I should put it down into words, so that other people might benefit from it as well.

As a schizophrenic myself, I know what it’s like to live daily with voices in your head.  I’ve been dealing with it for years.  It was so mild at first that I simply thought I was gifted and in tune with the universe.  When things went badly and then got worse and worse, until finally I had to admit to a doctor that I heard voices, I was diagnosed and received treatment.

Over the course of the last 7 years I’ve been through a whirlwind.  I finally, over the course of the last 2 years been able to stabilize my work situation.  I would say that my success is attributed to God above all else, but that therapy and medication have also leveled me out a good deal.  I don’t know that I could have done what I have done without the aide of doctors and therapists.

What I have done is to realize that work is just a part of life, and that I shouldn’t invest all of my energy in playing the lottery.  When I left the job I was diagnosed as a schizophrenic at, I prayed I would finally win the jackpot, and I wouldn’t have to worry about trying to work when I was hearing all these voices telling me they wanted me to die.  Whether it be of Cancer, or murder.  Once I realized that work was just a part of life, that I could go on playing the lottery but it would be even better if I liked my job, then I was not seeking, but was given an opportunity at a new job where I would get more hours.

The truth of the matter was I didn’t want to work.  I hated work.  I dreaded the day, everyday, would sleep as much as possible (I thought that was the best part of my day) and would do nothing with my time but listen to the voices.  That was at one of my lowest points.  At this point in time I’ve been holding a job for almost two years, and I like it, and they keep promoting me.  I’ve even been made a salesman-the only one in the company- and I sell for 3 different stores.

One of the tricks I’ve developed is to make what the voices say my own when I’m explaining it to myself or someone else.  When it’s just a bunch of emotional blabber I don’t think much about it.  When they tell me I’m a loser, I replace what they say with my own idea of myself (that I’m a winner) and visualize what that looks like.  It happens all throughout the day.  The truth is I’m really only mildly schizophrenic, the voices don’t consume my existence.  Sometimes, at points in the day I may go a while without even hearing any voices at all but I still do hear some hallucination everyday, without fail.  When the voices get deep, soul-less, and scary, that’s when I know that I have a condition, and that I’m not imagining I’m a schizophrenic.  I really am a schizophrenic.  No one else hears these things.  Although the voices would have me believe that other people CAN hear what’s going on in my head and the freaky part of it is that sometimes other people’s body language confirms that idea.

Maybe it’s just my own feelings influencing what other people are experiencing, and that would explain the body language.  They can’t hear what’s going on in my head, even though it might seem like they can.  I find that on my sales work, when I talk to people, they really have no clue whats going on in my head, they are just happy to serve.

The point of this post was to get you to think about what the voices are telling you, and how you can put your own spin on it, and make it positive.  If they are telling you to kill yourself, well maybe that should lead you to question whether or not your living your life in balance.  Maybe you need to make some changes in your behavior that’s going to support a healthier life.  If your in the personal development niche like me, your going to want to make positive changes in your life, and your going to want to be a little better today than you were yesterday.  So maybe your voices can help you to improve your life?

Whatever they tell you, make sure you make the story your own.  Put your own take on what the voices are telling you and shed some light on it.  In this way you can take control of your mind and feed it positive messages that will help you to persevere and create the life you want to live.  Personal development (i.e. reading self improvement books, and journaling) will help you to put that positive direction on what the voices are telling you and really, will help you to become unstoppable in everything you do.  Because we are positive people, we are going to have a positive effect on the world.

I just wanted to take the time today to write this and let you know how I have managed to cope and prosper with hearing voices everyday.  I hope that my work serves you to help you better cope and prosper in your own life.

Here’s To Your Success,

Jesse Creel

A Day I Will Never Forget

That day I speak of is my wedding day.

We were married on June 25th, 2011.  We recently had our 6 year anniversary and spent it on the road, coming back from another wedding in North Carolina.

For our 6 years I got my wife a necklace.  I went to a place right next door to where I work when I got off and picked her out the one I thought she would like best.  I would have liked to spend more, but I don’t make much, am in debt, and have wasted a ton of money on drinking and smoking.

Still, I couldn’t go without buying her something, so I put it on my credit card and vowed to pay it off.

I will never forget the day I got married, as any man would.  I heard somewhere you should show your scars, so I wanted to write about the one I have on my wedding ring finger.  I got cut, I don’t know how, right before we were married, and the bizarre but fitting thing is that the scar from where I was cut is in the shape of a heart.  The skin never completely separated from my finger and the ring kept the hanging skin in place.  To this day, if I move the ring up my finger just a little bit, it will expose the scar that is in the shape of a heart.  The bottom of the heart faces inward, towards me.  Fitting and I’ll tell you why.

Marriage has been difficult for me.  I’ve done things I am ashamed of.  I wasn’t a good husband when we first started.  I had a gut feeling that we weren’t meant to be together.  I felt like the world was telling me I shouldn’t be with her.  That we weren’t meant for each other.  We had emotional conversations with each other where tears were shed and she did everything in her power to tell me that she loved me and that’s what we needed to be together.  I did love her, and I do love her, but that went against everything my gut was telling me. It was telling me that bad things would happen if we stayed together.  That it wasn’t right for us to be together.  I have been a schizophrenic since before we got married, but I wasn’t diagnosed until 2014 when the voices telling me I had cancer forced me to consult a doctor and he told me I was a schizophrenic.

Since I got married I have been hearing my father in laws voice in my head and he mostly gives me bad advice.  He tells me to drink more all the time, he tells me to die smoking, he tells me to get cancer.  I see him on a regular basis and when we are together I still hear his voice in my head, and he tells me he can hear what I’m thinking.  My schizophrenia seems to lead me to believe everyone can hear voices, that they hear my voice, and the voices of everyone else.  It’s as if my thoughts are on display for everyone that’s around me.  It makes me want to vacation in a log cabin in the woods, where there are no other people around, just nature.  I can handle when the animals and trees talk to me.

I don’t know if it was just schizophrenia, or if it was a combination of drinking too much, smoking too much pot, smoking cigarettes, generally living my life out of balance, and fooling around with marrying someone that was way over my head.  Either way, I lost the best job I ever had at a guitar factory for losing control of my emotions.  I was hearing music that told me to kill myself, and I was taking offense to it, as if everyone there was plotting against me, didn’t like me or hated me, and wanted me to get lost.  It was a tragic end to a job where I excelled.  I fell and it was very difficult to find another job that I could work well at.

I have found that job, a job I can do.  They keep promoting me so that’s a good thing.  I’m drinking less, and I’ve recently called a help line to quit smoking.  My quit date is on July 15th, 2017.  I must quit because I’m feeling pain in my body that I believe without smoking I wouldn’t be feeling.

I am at a crossroads in life.  My gut tells me I’m never going to make it online.  It tells me my only shot at becoming a millionaire is to win the lottery.  And that’s my gut talking to me, as a schizophrenic.  When it talks to me I can see written words in my midsection and it tells me things that would completely change my life if I were to follow it.

As of yesterday, it was telling me I should win the lottery jackpot, and then leave my family so that I can have sex with other women because “I want”.  My gut also tells me that if I stay with my wife my life will end in tragedy.  That leads me to what I experience on my honeymoon.

After sex at one point, when we were in Cane Garden Bay, a beautiful place, my father in laws voice said that our marriage would “end in divorce”.  This was on our honeymoon!  Imagine being told over and over that your marriage was a mistake but there was no way to stop it from happening.  All in your own mind!  And the reality is no one else can hear these things, even though it seems like they can.  So my wife goes on living like nothing is wrong, and I’m hearing all these screwed up things about the end, and death, and cheating, and it makes me want to get out.  From day one I wanted to get out.

The way it happened though is that my wife’s will was stronger than mine.  I tried to end it, I even demanded that she give me back the ring… but it was to no avail and she ended up keeping me.   6 years later we have a 4 and 1 year old, and are living our lives together the best we can.  She is a teacher and I work at a ham store, and she supports our family.  She is the breadwinner, all I do is support a little.  She pays the mortgage and all the bills.  It embarrasses me, but that’s the way it is.

I can’t say that I’m not trying to become the primary breadwinner and move us into a bigger house, retire my wife so she can raise our kids full time, and live a life that is the calling for all men.  I was in church recently and they said that men had a “divine” calling to support their wives.  It made me feel bad that my it’s the other way around with my wife and I.  Still my wife seems happy with the way things are going, and she tells me she loves me and holds my hand.  My father put it accurately “it could always be worse”.

To this day, I am told to die in my head, and that my life will end “in prison”.  The voices are persistant in seeking my death, but I command myself to LIVE and I try to do the right things that are going to lead to better quality of life.  Reading, journaling, blogging, meditation, visualization, exercise, eating right, quitting smoking, listening to podcasts are among some of the things I do to create that better quality of life.  I still don’t know if I should work with my hands or try to make it in sales at my current job, but all I know is that I need to quit smoking.

The statistic is that 90% of schizophrenics smoke.  I would like to be a part of the 10% who do not.  It has ruined relationships and made me an unhealthy person, and I seek to quit for the good of everyone.  It’s not too late for me, I can still create a better life.

I will always remember June 25th, 2017, the day I married my wife.  Our life together has been a mess, and one I am still in the process of cleaning up, but there is a silver lining to everything.  She loves me and my kids make me smile so no matter what the voices are telling me I can take shelter in that. The voices are a nightmare I can’t wake up from, but they make me stronger.  They help me to decide what I want and what I do not want.  They test me, and it’s time I start passing the test and be faithful, not smoke, be happy, and live.

This is a personal development blog aimed at helping me to orient myself, and I hope that you too can benefit by reading it.   I encourage you to explore it further, and continue to check back for new posts.  They will get better with time.  If you want to make it easy on yourself, you can subscribe to my list and I’ll send you updates to this blog so you know when a new post comes out.

Here’s to you knowing what you want, no matter what the voices or anyone or anything else tells you,

Jesse Creel

Hearing Voices, A Guide To Navigating The Waters

If your hearing voices everyday, you should definitely go see a psychiatrist.  They’ll most likely give you some drugs that will help you cope.  And you should take them, for the sake of stability.  And you should also seek talk therapy.

But I am not a doctor, and I can’t give medical advice.  All I can tell you is that taking RisperiDONE and talk therapy helped to stabilize me.  I have now been able to hold a job for a year and a half, and am receiving promotions there too!  I am able to contribute to my family and help support my two children and my wife.  Things are not always easy, but they are getting better.

Even with the Risperidone and therapy I still hear voices.  They just don’t effect my actions like they used to.  Now I know that I can have success, I just have to work hard it at.  And working hard I am.

I am however taking on new stress.  I have been promoted to Sales Coordinator at my job at Honeybaked Ham and my new job, one that I will do for a few hours a week, it to grow the companies sales.  This involves dropping off free samples and then following up, following up, following up, following up, following up.

I say that 5 times because in the book my boss gave me to read about selling their product, they say that you have to have 5 points of contact to sell anything.  So there’s much more to the job then just dropping off a free lunches and praying for sales.  There’s work involved, and it’s stressful.

I don’t want to come off as annoying, but I have to call my prospects repeatedly if I want to make any headway.  And I must make headway. I must make sales, and I must make many of them.  I’ve done great at working there as an hourly employee but this new position is going to require that I produce more.  Bring more to the table.  Be more.  Find it within myself to sell.  And on top of it all, I hear voices everyday, and sometimes I hear my prospects in my head!  Sometimes it seems like their actually talking out loud to each other, like the voices would in my head, and their saying hateful things about me.

But I can handle it, besides, we all get what we deserve.  This is just an opportunity for me.

But if you hear voices everyday, then you should probably just listen to them, and then, MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND as to whether you want to act on the things their talking about.  Unless that of course is hurting yourself or other people.

For instance, the other morning, one of the voices shouted at me to floss! as I was brushing my teeth.  I thought that was a good idea and was happy to have a little reminder to take good care of myself.  That is an instance where I would recommend you listen to your voices.  If they are telling you to call out of work I would recommend that you just go into work anyways, and make your money.

Sometimes the voices will have good ideas, sometimes they will have bad ideas, just like you.  Part of life it making those decisions that are going to impact your life in a positive way.  We all just have to grow up and make good choices.

I suppose, in short, that my guide for navigating the waters of hearing voices everyday is to master yourself.  Their just voices in your head, they don’t control you, you control you.  You can succeed despite the challenges.  And take heart that there are other people out there, with the same challenges as you, living good lives.  You can have a family, a job, friends, a life.  I just want you to know, I believe in you, and I know that anyone can overcome what their going through and come out the other side a better person, better off.

Take care, and with time, may you live a great life.

Thanks for reading.

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