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Tag: Life

Living And Working And Kicking Ass With Schizophrenia

Yes, that’s what I’m doing… I’m kicking ass.

I’m a schizophrenic and I’m holding a job, and I have been for the last 2 years.  I’ve even been promoted several times and now hold a sales job for 3 of the 5 days a week I work.

Not to mention my job, I also am kicking ass at visualizing, running this blog, creating rock and rolls songs, taking care of my family, and being an overall respectable member of the community.

All this with the schizophrenia wishing I would die.

I won’t die.  I’m going to live to 100.  I’m only 33, so I’ve got a long ways to go.

In that time I plan on becoming rich and famous, living in a better house with a free schedule, and creating a rock and roll band.

If this so far interests you I highly recommend signing up for my email list.  You’ll get updates to see how I’m doing as time goes on.

What I’ve discovered though, is that helping schizophrenics work is a charity cause.  I want to create income.  I don’t think it’s going to happen leading schizophrenics to work a job.  I need something else.  A new business idea.

So it’s writing for fun at this point.

I just ordered Mike Dooley’s new book “Playing the Matrix”.  I pre-ordered it so it doesn’t come out until October 31st, 2017.  I’m looking forward to reading it though because I really enjoy his “Notes From The Universe“.  By the way, I don’t get anything from putting that website link on my site.  It’s just because I believe in it and want to share it.

What Mike Dooley says in his notes from the universe is that you have to suit up and show up.  That’s why I’m writing this post today.  In order to suit up and show up, with my blog.  This blog is in my heart and it’s a part of who I am, so I want to keep writing it, no matter what happens, as a possible avenue to riches and freedom.

I’ve started a vision board.  The first thing I put on it was how much money I wanted to make per year.  First I went for $100,000 and then didn’t think that was thinking big enough so then I put $15,000,000 on there and thought that was thinking too big and I should take the wealth in stepping stones so finally I decided on $200,000.  That’s whats there now, and we’ll see how it works out.

As I’m visualizing I can see the board and it helps me concentrate.  I do find it helpful.

Mike Dooley also says you should manifest in general terms and not worry about the “cursed how’s”.  So my vision board is all set on end results… a lot of cash, a new house….and there’s more to come.  I haven’t even started.

Suffice to say I’m working as hard as I possibly can to create what I want in my life.  I am doing everything I can, everyday, to bring myself closer to my goals.  It IS working, one day at a time.  Just last month I got my first internet subscriber to my email list.  I had been working for almost 2 years just to get one subscriber, but I finally got him, and now he’s on my list.  I’m really looking forward to having many many many many more subscribers and starting a business somehow with my email list.

But don’t let that stop you from subscribing, because my email list is my treasured gold that I treat to the best of what I have to offer.  If you are indeed a fan, then you absolutely have a place on my email list.

Don’t shame me for selling the list either.  It in all likelihood will be a positive experience for both you and me.  If you don’t like it you can always unsubscribe for free and it will be like it never happened.  So really you have nothing to lose.

You can subscribe here.

Yes, oh yes, I am kicking ass.  I’m doing it the best I know how and it’s successfully paying me every two weeks, and resulting in traffic and subscribers.  Although I only have 1 internet subscriber, I have asked several friends to subscribe and a few of the have, and confirmed their subscription.  The beauty is in the numbers.

Right now I have 4 subscribers, including myself.  I figure if a president votes for himself on election day, I had better be on my own list.  From what I hear, the presidents, before they are presidents, do indeed vote for themselves.

I know that’s not a lot of subscribers but Mike Dooley only started out with 30 some, and now he has over 750,000.  If he says the trick is to suit up and show up, then I’m going to do it with things I love, like blues guitar, and blogging, and writing books, and reading, and walking, and the list really does go on and on and on and on.

The point:  This is coming to you for a reason.  It’s because I, Jesse Creel, must do it.  I have a vision and I have goals.  Part of making that happen is showing up in life.  So that’s what I’m doing.  That’s also what I recommend you do in your own life.

Do the job you hate, even if you hate it, for as long as you have to until your passions set you free from that work.  You will live to see this through.  You will live to be a millionaire.  You will live to live in your dream house.  You will see your family grow up.  You will be everything your heart desires you to be, and it will be better than you could possibly imagine.  I just know this in my heart.

Nothing can stop you.  You won’t be held back by negativity.  You are your own champion.  You can do this.  Suit up and show up and reap the rewards.  It may come slowly and imperceptibly at first, but it will come and you, if you pay attention, will be overjoyed at your results even when at first they are not paying you.

 

The Day In Day Out Work Of Writing

And that work is to write the most valuable content on the internet.

How are we going to do this as bloggers and ebook authors?

I say we have to read books that are going to help us achieve out short term goals.  If we work on our short term goals and consistently meet them then we will be closer to our long term goals.

But I do think we should always be thinking long term.  People are living a lot longer these days.

So really we need to do both.  The Yin and the Yang.

I am a schizophrenic and at one point when I was having trouble working I thought I was Jesus and was telling my wife all about it.

She was going along with me on it, and that made me even more crazy.  I think I was drinking a lot at the time.  And I was trying to sell Aflac insurance.

I really was a crazy man.

So maybe you can’t be like me, but I say you might be highly entertained by me.

The best part is I’ve made myself a success again at an hourly job and now I’m swinging for the fences everyday, on every blog post, to write the most valuable content in the world.

How do I, how do WE do this?

I say we just ask ourselves the question, how do I write the most valuable content in the world?

See what answers we get.

It all leads to writing, good and bad.

But I say you make BOTH the good and bad stuff spectacular.  Make it the most entertaining thing the reader has ever read.  I think that’s how we can really improve this blogging movement.

Some people make a lot of money writing books, e books or paper books.  How do we become one of them?

I say the first step is to write everyday.

I say the second step is to make sure your reading at least a half hour everyday.  Which truthfully I don’t get everyday.  But when I do read it’s for hours.

Again, don’t be like me.  I’m a sick person.  But what I do have in common with you is if you can read and type you can have a blog.  And we can both be bloggers.

And YOU could come up with the most valuable content on the planet, and join the club.

And we could do it together.

Because I’m not there yet.

My friend is editing my e book and he tells me I have a lot of work to do.  I’m probably going to have to take out some pages and re write some of it.  Maybe put another 10 hours into it.  I’ve already logged 40.  So that would be 50 hours of my work that at my job I get paid $12 dollars an hour for.  You can figure out how much I would have made if I put that time into an hourly job.

And if figure the work I do with my mind will pay a lot more than the work I do with my hands.  Sales is a good example of how you can make more money.  And it takes more brains!

So I must have that going for me.

Because they did promote me to doing sales calls, so I must be showing improvement.  And I do sell!

They pay me hourly so I get paid whether they buy or not.  Which is a blessing.  I love sales but because of the drinking and smoking it makes it difficult to work on commission.  So when your getting paid hourly and working for a company who’s food people love, it’s easy to drop off a free lunch, say your spreading around some love and letting people know my company cares about them.  It’s the easiest sales job in the world.  I only see people for a minute, maybe two and then I’m off to the next place.  I can get 8 sales calls done in 4 hours or less.

And in one month I made 6 sales!  So people are buying because of the work I’m doing.  And it doesn’t matter that the voices say they are calling me as I’m doing the sales calls.  People love the ham and turkey!  And they love that I’m being called to die and still working!  I am friendly and only want to make the most of my day.

Enjoy the ride.

So that’s what I do.

So far I’ve been smoking cigarettes for the sales calls and I think that’s going to stop.  But even with the cigarettes people still buy.  My company really has a gold mine.  Ham.  People love it.

But I am working for someone else.  I want to be working for myself.  I want my e book to sell and become a millionaire.  And then a multi millionaire.  And then I’ll be living the life of my dreams.  How is this of value to you?

To know there’s another person out there who is crazy enough to think they can get rich and become a multimillionaire.  No matter where they are in life.  So long as they had a decade or two to spare.  That really might be asking quiet a lot.  But when your doing something you love, something that’s going to help you grow, you shouldn’t be looking at it in terms of decades anyways.  You should be looking at it as your life’s work.

And BE THE MOST VALUABLE PERSON ON THE PLANET.

Do and write really good stuff.  The best stuff.  Think what you’ll have in ten years?

Think what you’ll have in one year.

GET IT DONE!

I’ve got to make sure I get my half hour of reading today after I’ve written this blog.  Get back on track.

And I will, because I want to keep providing more valuable content each day.  Just because you may be producing the most valuable content on the planet doesn’t mean you can’t make it better.

Really you MUST make it better because that’s how it’s meant to be done.  You could make a song out of it, and I do.  You might even be able to get your hands on it for a price.

Because really, we all gotta eat.

And I WILL have products for sale up on this website at some point and I hope you buy and enjoy them.  I will sell them no matter what my friends tell me about them after I share it with them.

I may edit my ebook a lot before I put it up for sale, but I’m still going to take my 40 hours of work and make something of it.  Something that I can profit from.  Why shouldn’t we profit.  It’s not a crime.

In fact the government encourages us to profit.  They get more money!  And that’s what governments need.  Along with great leaders.

But I really wanted to write hard for the purpose of providing you the most valuable stuff you’ve ever read.  Let me know in the comments whether or not you think I’ve accomplished this task.  And maybe how you think I might be able to improve.

Because really, this blog is alive.  There are people that comment on it everyday.  Today I had something like 11 comments.  Yesterday I had something like 8.  And it just keeps coming.

My most popular posts are Value Based Writing For Those Who Want To Improve and Selling And Getting 20 Dollars An Hour.

The comments come in everyday and have been for a while now.  It must have started about 2 months ago and now I’ve got many comments.

But what I want to do is keep improving and write even more posts that get as much traffic and are of better quality.

We all can travel this path.  The path of self improvement.  And I think we can increase our incomes dramatically because of it.

That we can get more friends too.  And effect the lives of more people.

And for the most part I think most of them will be happy they found us.  Sure their will be a couple of complaints but for the most part it will be good.

That’s just what I see based on experience working at other businesses.

So you may have to field a couple complaints, but you’ll be EARNING money and you’ll be working towards living the lifestyle of your dreams.

Don’t worry folks, the ebook “Take Action and Improve!” is coming.  Consider it en-route.

For now I’m focusing on just providing you with as much free content as possible.  That way IF you do want to buy something it will be easy.  I’ve already earned your money!

Well not really, your going to get the product, but really this is valuable stuff isn’t it, let me know in the comments.

Because really I don’t know if it’s like this for everybody, but at this point I seemed destined for success.  A success with what I want to do.  And to ride the wave high.

Right now I’m riding high on the hog, in more ways than one, but I intend to make this blog my income.  You can blog too.  I suggest you go for 90 days and see what happens.

I’ve still got another 2 months + to go.  But I’ve been pretty faithful in my dedication to writing the blog everyday.  I think so far I’ve only taken 2 days off.  In a month.

God is resting more than I am.

I should really take more time off, at least one day a week, but I figure it’s only 3 months, what harm can it do to do something you love each day for those three months for your benefit and the benefit of the people who read your work.

But if you can only give them a 1,000 words one day, then just give them 1,000 words.  At least you got that in.  I know, when your working a job and taking care of a family you can get tired.  But I say for the most part, go the extra mile and try to get a good 2,000 words in.  You can do it!  And think just how much more valuable that post will be!

Your writing hard for the purpose of making the world a better place.

I don’t see any downside to writing.  Your only going to become better at what your doing now.  For me I see everything in my life getting better because I’m writing.

That’s just the way it goes.

I hope your better for reading this.  I want to be of value by relying my experiences to you so you can be entertained. Because God help me I’m not very scholarly.  But I am alive, I am a human being, I am part of the world, I am creating new human beings to be the future, and I’m highly optimistic about the future.

But I am living in the present, so for now I’m just thankful for my job and for my family, and for food, and for shelter, and for everything I have that is good in life.  And I’m thankful for all the lessons the failures and bad things have taught me over the years.  They have helped me become the person I am today.  And today I am a valuable member of the community.  I feed people.

If I didn’t work I’d have to write about something else, and that’s going to be the reality at some point in my life if I can do it.  And because I’m so optimistic about the future I’ve already decided that success at blogging and selling ebooks is my destiny, and I will have it good bad and ugly.

But really it will, like my company, be mostly good.  And worth doing.

This is an accomplishment.  I worked 9 hours at my job today and wrote until I had 2,000 words.  And I really tried to pack the value in there.  The value being that I love you and if I can do it, a schizophrenic, you can certainly work your hourly job to help support your family.

I care about the world and want to see it get better.

Thanks for reading this post,

Jesse Creel

 

The Advantages Of Living With A Mild Case Of Schizophrenia

Yes, I am a schizophrenic, but I think you could call my particular case mild.  I still hear voices everyday, and a lot of times they tell me to die or they just scream the word “cancer” at me, but at times the voices are an aide and they become useful.

Don’t get me wrong, there are limitations imposed upon any schizophrenic’s thinking.  To me what that means is that as a schizophrenic I just have to work harder than the average person for success.  One of the advantages the schizophrenia has taught me is the strength to focus.  If the voices go off in different directions, I just have to work harder to maintain my focus so I can get done what I need to get done.

But my case of schizophrenia is mild.  It really doesn’t effect my own thinking, and my own emotions, and my own actions.  At least it doesn’t anymore.  I’ve made many big mistakes as I was learning to cope with my schizophrenia.  They’ve told me to lie, cheat, and steal and I’ve had to come to terms with my own values and learn to say NO!

So one big advantage of schizophrenia is that you learn what you value and what you will and will not do.  You learn, or re-learn from experience the difference between right and wrong.  And sometimes the schizophrenia acts as the voice of the conscious.  Letting you know about all the wrongs you’ve done in your life and the advantage of that is to learn from them, and begin again to do the right thing.

Another advantage of schizophrenia is that it sometimes aides in visualization.  I’ve heard stories of very successful people practicing positive self talk before a big presentation and hearing the voices of the crowd say YES!  It’s much like that in that when I’m visualizing, with enough focus and effort I can hear the sounds of success from the voices.  They tell me I’m famous, that my work is good, that I’ll make lots of money, that I have a good family, and that I overall am the greatest human being on planet earth.  And I can feel those words in my body.  I can feel more powerful because I have the reinforcement of voices that seem to be coming from a place other than my own mind.  And that is valuable in the respect that it gives me hope for a better future.

Another advantage of having a mild case of schizophrenia is it increases creativity.  It gives you things to write about.  I’ve written an entire book on a year of my life that without the schizophrenia it wouldn’t be much of a story at all.  This blog is also host to many posts on schizophrenia, so really the problem I have has given me a lot to write about.  I was just reading some other schizophrenic’s poetry online when I was searching for the title “schizophrenic writes about love”.  His poetry was dark though.  I just can’t do that.  I have to stay positive and optimistic about the present and the future.  And I have to share my stuff with the world… for better or worse.  Although when asking myself the question “How do I add value for a massive number of people” I think that the majority of my work is going to be positive.  And really not only do I want it to be positive, but I want it to be the best in the world.  The best on the internet.  I want to be the greatest schizophrenic alive.  And I think I can do that through creative writing.  And I think you can do that too!

And finally, yet another advantage of schizophrenia is that, for me at least, it’s taught me how to thank God for everyday.  There’s very few days that go bye that I don’t thank God for another day.  Any of us could die at any time from any reason and my schizophrenia is a constant daily reminder of that.  I thank God for another day, each day and I am daily being taught how to live my life to the fullest.  That is probably the greatest advantage of the schizophrenia that I have noticed.

I hope that you have gained some valuable insights from this post.  Feel free to write me at any time if you feel the need and let me know what you think of this whole thing.  You can reach me at creel.jesse@gmail.com.  Thank you, I love you, and God Bless!

What is Schizophrenia?

I wanted to answer that question not only for someone who wants to know the answer, but I wanted to define it for myself…. as someone who has it.

The short answer is schizophrenia is the condition in which someone hears voices in their head on a daily basis.  Sometimes they are saying good things, sometimes they are saying bad things and it really all depends on how your doing that day what kind of mood the voices are in.

I had one of the voices tell me the other day that she is going to say to me whatever she feels like saying at that moment.  I was in the shower.  Sometimes it’s easier for them to communicate with me when there is background noise like a shower or the faucet running.

Schizophrenia for me has been a blessing.  It’s better allowed me to distinguish right from wrong and to make more of the right decisions.  And the voices approve of those better choices and bless me for it.  Like the decision to quit smoking.  They blessed me for that just today.  Just because schizophrenia is not normal doesn’t make it unhealthy or bad.  It’s the person with the schizophrenia that can make their lives either good or bad depending on their decisions and what they do with what they have.
Schizophrenia for me is really not a good or a bad thing.  It’s just the way things are.  And it’s a frame of reference for how I’m doing.  When I feel like I’m doing good the voices will many times agree.  When I feel like I could do better they have something to say too.

Schizophrenia is when you hear the voices of public figures in your head, and you hear those people who are close to you in your head… and you hear all the public, neighbors and even people you don’t know…. they are all in your head.  And many of them have something to say.  And if your not doing well they will not be ashamed to tell you they want you to die, and that they would like to kill you.

So you take the good with the bad.  Like everything else in life.

One of the things schizophrenia has taught me is to be grateful for everyday.  And I thank God daily for another day.  I have been told to die in my head so many times and I feel like I could be dying right now… that it sometimes seems like I really could die at any moment.  One of those pains could overtake me and that would be it.  So I’m grateful and just want to be good and a strong role model for my children.  That’s why I’m quitting smoking.  I’m also writing a book on it.  Stating my progress each day.  Today I started over at day one.  I want to go two weeks without one.  I have a vaporizer that I think will help me through the mornings because those are the toughest times not to smoke.

Schizophrenia doesn’t have to be a disability either.  Sure when I wasn’t working and hated working I tried to get social security disability… I was denied and set out to repeal the decision.  But the desire to get money, the necessity promoted the opportunity to work and I found a job, thanks to my brother.  I do have a lot of help from my family, thank God… but I am still attempting to become independent and make enough money to pull at least my own weight.

Because sadly, I do not pull all of my own weight right now.  My wife is the primary breadwinner.  I give her as much money as I can, but I would like to be able to pay at least half of the bills.  That way I’m pulling all of my own weight.  We would still be helping each other and relying on each other, but our lives would both be better if I could make more money.

So I don’t look at schizophrenia as a disability but rather a trait that helps me write, work, and live a good life.

It can even be spiritual at times.  The voices talk in mysteries sometimes and it’s hard to make sense of what their saying.  Like a dream that isn’t literal.  You can learn about yourself from it, but it’s not to be taken too seriously.  You have to get on with what you think your meant to do here.

Schizophrenia is just a daily hallucination that either helps you or hinders you depending upon your outlook.  Personally I often look to God for help and I credit all the good things I have in my life not to my own hard work, but to God Himself working in the world today.  The way I look at it is we are all here co-creating our lives with each other and with God and working hard we are destined to make something good of ourselves.  I think we all just have to learn to benefit from whatever happens to us, good and bad, and be grateful for life.  I think the point of life is to learn right from wrong and do everything in our power to make the most good out of our lives that we can.  To help God make the world a better place.

And the world will be a better place if we grow.  And we can grow by learning to face our problems more than we run from them.  If we can learn to consistently face our problems, and the pain that comes along with them, we will grow in our lives and will be in a better position to help other people.  And the problems will never end, there will only be better problems for us to work on that will result in a better quality of life when we solve them.  And God willing we will solve them.

But back to what schizophrenia is and isn’t… schizophrenia should have no bearing on how much money you make in your life.  It may add flavor to your consciousness but it’s your own thoughts and actions that will determine the quality of your life.  That’s the way it is for everyone and schizophrenics are no exception.

I should also say, in reference to those people who are overwhelmed by more intense schizophrenia the government should give you money, as they do.  Even though it’s not much… they should still give something, and they do.  I’m happy to contribute something to the government that’s going to help take care of and heal our sick people.  Taxes are a good price to pay when it’s going to help make our world, or at least our country, a better place to live in.

Schizophrenia for me has been a blessing.  It helped rearrange my life and get my priorities in order.  I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I think I only did it to myself with the decisions I made and messing with people not thinking of the consequences.  Messing with myself.

I always say “We all get what we deserve” and life will teach you that.  And in the end there’s a judgement to see how you did.  But life will make you suffer, whether you have schizophrenia or not.  We all have to deal with pain.  What makes us good is when we learn and improve.  There’s no sense in crying about it.  I saw on a couple different fire trucks a sign that said “don’t cry, just supply”.  That’s a good quote for when people are going through hard times and you have a job to do.  Just supply.  Yes!  Firetrucks are good.

But schizophrenia is when you hear voices in your mind and they seem to have their own consciousness and their own intelligence.  They are not always nice but personally I couldn’t imagine life without them and it makes for an interesting adventure.  It makes the game of life special everyday and I look forward to more improvement and positive change in my life and the lives of others.

May we all bless and be blessed.  Thank God, Amen.

Schizophrenic Writes At The Beach On A Family Vacation

And I feel kind of sick from all the beer and rum I drank yesterday.

I’m doing okay though. I stopped smoking again… I had a relapse after 6 days of not smoking and I’m still through.  I’m fed up with what it does to my body and my wallet.  Mainly my wallet.  But also my body.  I would like to get a six pack and have some more muscle.  My tooth also fell out so I’m going to have to get it put back in the next time I go to the dentist.

But at any rate after this vacation, I need to get sober.  I’m going to committ to not drinking anymore.  I’ve already quit the weed, and I’m ready to quit drinking I think and transform my body.  I want to start running.  I want to attach massive pleasure to exercise.  Massive pleasure to not smoking.  Massive pleasure to writing.  Massive pleasure to reading.   This is just the way it goes.

We’re going to church today, at 11:30.  My grandparents are here and they always go to church no matter where they are so their a good example.  I like church and I like tithing.  I attach massive pleasure to tithing.  I’m really working this Tony Robbins book and trying to make changes in my life that will make my quality of life better, and hopefully make the quality of life better for those around me and those I come into contact with.  I want to contribute.  I want more money.  I want miracles to happen in my life.  This blog is a tool to make some of those miracles happen.  I believe like my mother told me that writing is a win win…. no matter what the outcome.

But my desired result is to get the book published and sell a million copies of it.

That would be a miracle, unquestionably.  I don’t know that a journal book like mine will sell a million copies but I think it will.  Tony Robbins would probably tell me if I really want to achieve that I should probably find ways to get certain it’s going to happen.  And I don’t want to just write about it…. I want it to become part of my being.  The sentence, I am certain my book will sell a million copies.   Make a movie out it.

But it’s 1:47pm and were in North Carolina at the Outer Banks.  Nags Head.  The women are out shopping and it’s just my dad and my son here at the condo overlooking the beach.  It’s windy outside.  I’m not ready for a beer yet so I’m drinking the leftover coffee from this morning.  My dad is around doing something.  I’m writing.  It’s best to write when the children are asleep.  Gives me time to myself.  I really enjoy writing.  I’m certain I can make a career out of it, though Bukowski probably wouldn’t like me.  I’m a schizophrenic and I see stuff and hear stuff.  When I was resting my eyes this morning I saw Bukowski in my mind and then I heard a voice tell me that I wasn’t a writer.  Babe, you’re not a writer they say.  But I’m certain that I am a writer. And I’m certain this blog and my book will be discovered.  And I’m certain that my efforts in life and work will make me rich.  And I want to become even richer.  Not smoking is a good start.  I quit again yesterday.  I smoked the rest of my pack. Now I really am ready to make a change now.  NOW!   I am committed to not smoking anymore.  Being on vacation is the right time and the right place to stop smoking for good.  My body feels wrecked.  My side feels weird, the fat in my midsection has formed in a strange way, indented in some places.  I need to get in shape.  I need to be fit.  I need to be addiction free.  I need to be rich.  I need to be a better father, and husband, and family member, and employee, and brother, a better community member, a better guitar player, a better citizen, a better example, a better role model, just better.

Tony Robbins talks about the process of continual improvement.  How making changes in little things you do everyday will make big changes in the future.  Right now I’m focusing on not smoking, and saving money there… but I can do more.  I can run, and do crunches and pushups.  I can work with the weights my wife gave me as a present and tone my arms.  I can go from flabby to fit.  I have little love handles when my pants fit tight.  The pants push the fat out.

I’m not really fat by any means, but I have some extra weight, maybe 10 pounds that I could stand to lose…. maybe a little more… and get more muscle.  I’ve been thin for most of my life, but after getting on the medication for the schizophrenia I gained some weight.  The medication’s side effects my body has adjusted to so I can get up a little easier now that I’m used to the meds.  They make you tired, you gain weight, but other than that there’s really no side effects.  It’s probably not good that I drink as much as I do on the meds, so I really need to get sober, but I’ve been on them for a year and half and I’m still going so I must be doing some things right.

In fact I do alot right.  I struggle sometimes, but I’m working a job part time and I do an excellent job there according to my bosses.  It’s the first time in years that I’ve been able to hold onto a job and work it consistently and I think credit is due to me being overwhelmed by debt.  I currently owe 13,000 dollars to my credit card and I can thank network marketing, and smoking and drinking for that bill.  It’s really time to clean up and I think that the only time I should be drinking is when my family has a party.  It doesn’t happen that often so I would pretty much be sober most of the time.  And I could pay my credit card off in a few years.  Not spending more than I make and living within my means.  I’m putting 400 dollars a month towards my line of credit.  I should be able to pay the whole debt off quickly living within my means.  I can entertain myself by writing.  And reading.  Massive pleasure for me is associated to these things.  They are means for self improvement and I have a passion for self improvement.  It’s about time I quit smoking.  It’s not in line with the man I want to become.  And not to mention it’s killing me and I can’t afford it financially.  It may even be too late for me.  I already feel like I’ve wrecked my body.  But I believe in the power of my body to heal itself and become better.  I believe that by not smoking and exercising I can take control of my body and become fit.  I believe that if I continue not to smoke and start exercising that in a few short months my body will transform and I will be in good shape.  I will have more energy to work and play and live.  And to do it with love like I heard in church today.  Do the little things, starting at home with love, they say.  It’s a good message and one I can put into action into my life immediately.  I already try and work with love and I think I do a good job at it.   It’s not really tangible but I think it has a effect on my life.  More peace into the universe now.

I’m really looking forward to being published and getting my life more to where I want it to be.  I want to travel and sign books for people and have converstations about schizophrenia and overcoming challenges that people, you and I, face everyday just living.

And not just schizophrenics but people from all walks of life from all over the world.

It’s a big dream but with God’s help I think I can accomplish it.  And write for a living.  Make a lot of money.  Sell alot of books.  I have to get myself to follow through with this.  Move in the direction of what I want and not act based on fear.

And what I want is success.  Doing what I love to do.  It’s possible but not probable.  But I cannot accept any energy that contrary to where I’m moving to.  And where I’m moving is a million copies sold.  If I got paid a dollar for each sale, which is modest, I’d be a millionaire.  How do I do that?  How do I sell a million copies of my first book?  Get it published and let the words do the work.  I only have to write my first book once and it will work for me for as long as I live, and it will work for my family for as long as there is this country, and a culture that desires to read.  I’m creating a legacy.  That’s an amazing feeling.  I’m leaving words behind me.  And not just any words, but words that are designed for self improvement, and empowering words and words that employ self discovery with each line.  The juice, the pizzazz is there, I just know it. What every writer needs.  To get the juices of the reader flowing.  To keep them turning the pages.  Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam.

But to wrap it up, I’m blessed and grateful and I seek to contribute more to the world.  Continual improvement for the rest of my life.  My best to you, and thank you for reading this post.  I appreciate your patronage.    God bless you and your family, and God Bless this country, and God Bless the world.

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