Some of the voices call me a faggot.  Sometimes I feel like I’m walking and talking like I’m gay.  I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be gay, my uncle is gay.  I do think that I’m not gay, I just may sometimes look like I’m gay.  Like today when I was doing a lunch delivery.

You see, I’ve been doing these sales calls and when I do the regular work in the store I feel like the sales calls effect me.  They effect how I look and speak.  Sometimes I think in business you might be better off queer as a schizophrenic.

Nevermind that, I have a wife and 2 kids.  I’m not gay.  I’ve entertained the idea of gay sex, but I’ve never really been able to jerk off to it, if that tells you anything.  I will say that jerking off is doctor recommended.  I’ve read it in a book my counselor recommended I buy.  I did buy it and I’ve read more than half of it, and it helps.  So does talk therapy and medication.

The jist of it is it isn’t easy.

If your working on personal issues when your trying to sell it becomes even more difficult.  That’s why personal development is so recommended for salespeople.  They say if you don’t have a daily program your in trouble.

I do have a daily program.  I try, oh I try, to make it happen everyday.  I fail miserably.  I smoke cigarettes at 5 in the morning and fail to go to work because I feel so sick from not sleeping and smoking.  This is a terrible disservice to me and my family, not to mention all that’s good in the world.

So as far as personal development goes, this schizophrenic is trying and suffering and failing.  When I make a decision to stop smoking, something gets in the way.  Today it was my car making noises.

Today I was driving around seeking sales at neighborhood schools and towards the end of it my car started making a machine gun sound coming out of the driver side front wheel well.  My car is old and it’s got over 215,000 miles on it, I don’t know how much longer it’s going to last.  I wasn’t thinking about the future spending all that money on alcohol, and cigarettes, and now I have a problem that I hope doesn’t exceed my $2,500 credit card limit.  That would take me up to $17,500, because I need a car to drive for my job.  That is, if it took that much.

The problem is I made a decision to quit smoking and start saving money and paying my credit card off in January of 2017.  It’s now September 7th, and I’m still smoking.  This is the life of a schizophrenic.

This blog will be my testament that I did it, that is if I ever do.  That I quit smoking, and don’t drink to excess, and paid my credit card bill off, and I’m exercising, and I’m making more money, and my life has gotten amazingly better, because I made those decisions.  I just have to keep holding out that I have it in me to do it, although the chest pains are almost becoming comfortable.

My mind is fucked up, and my writing shows it.  I hope only that you can get something out of this, from my first hand experience of schizophrenia and starting an online business.

I know this hasn’t been about online business.  It’s been about my day. But I seek to deliver the goods so this is the story about a schizophrenic who tries to start an online business.

You see (and they tell me to “see” often) it’s become apparent to me that starting an online business isn’t easy.

I would think it takes hard work, but I’ve been working hard, and I still am not seeing any money.  It’s been over a year since I started this website.  How do you start a business online?

My original thought, which is still my thought today, is you create quality, valuable content and you get people to subscribe to your email list because they like what you write so much.  This is my 108th post and I have 2 subscribers to date, myself and a close friend of mine who I asked personally to subscribe.  I figured that presidents vote for themselves so I should be subscribed to my own email list.  At any rate, I have only 2 subscribers to show for all the work I’ve put into this blog.  No one wants to subscribe.

So really, that’s for now, how it goes when your a schizophrenic and want to start a business online.

I think it’s time I spend some time doing housework and serving my family so I’m going to wrap this up.  For now  I want you to know that I believe I can do it, just that the road is rough.  I heard it in a song and I think it’s accurate.  I’m going to keep going and if you check back on this blog, or subscribe to the email list you’ll get updates and you’ll get to better know this schizophrenic’s story.

Thanks for reading and have a Great Day,

Jesse Creel