And I can write whatever I want on this blog.

Mostly I want to tell you that I’m a working schizophrenic and I’m still grateful for everyday.  Grateful to God.

But I’m helping to support a family.  A wife and two kids.  I’m buying what I can at the grocery store.  And giving my wife money.  I gave her quite a bit for christmas time.

But then again, quiet a bit is not much for me.  I don’t get paid alot of money.  I’m a peon compared to my father and my father in law.  We live in a small townhouse not even big enough to have our friends over for a party.

We go to their parties though and we have a good time.  I’m very grateful to people who host parties because after all it is a alot of work.  Making all the food and everything.

But I’m writing to live a little more.  Leave something behind.  I guess I’m really just doing this for fun.  I’ll probably never be paid for it.  Although I do entertain the question of how I could make 500 million off a blog.  That would be Tony Robbins status.  That’s about how much he’s worth.  He is so awesome.

Highly recommend his stuff.  I just ordered a new book by Robbins titled Money, and the 7 steps to mastering it.  I know I would master money if I could stop smoking cigarettes and drinking wine.  That is indeed hard to do though.  I think it would be a lot better for me though.  I don’t really drink during the work week.  But when I have time off I tend to go to parties and drink some.  My wife usually drives.  I like to drink because it gives me something to do.  I think I could do better sober though.  I should really give it a try.  I just finished a box of wine last night… I have the day off today.  The box lasted a few days so that was good.  I didn’t drink it that fast.  But I don’t really want any more.  I want to go sober for a while and just get through this holiday at work.  Christmas time is coming fast and I have to get the hours while their good.  That means 14 hour days sometimes.  It’s not bad though.  They keep you moving but it’s good and I love it.  It’s the best thing that’s happened to me since I lost my job in 2010.  And half of the battle is just suiting up and showing up.  Speaking of which I have to wash my work uniform.  I got spagehetti sauce on it last night.  We had tortellini and they were good.

Tonight we’re having shrimp scampy, it’s one of those frozen bags with a meal inside it.  I got two.. They were only 5 dollars each.

But in my estimation I have about 90 dollars left to last me the next week and a half.  I probably have to put 40 in my gas tank so that would leave me with 50 dollars to buy food with to eat over the next week and a half.  That pretty much leaves me with what I have left of a pack of cigarettes. Because I just don’t have the money to smoke.

I’m sure I can help myself by instead of smoking working out and reading Tony Robbins books.  I really want to improve myself.

But I have what’s left of my day to wash my work clothes and go to the gym and make dinner and do more laundry and give to the house and my family by cleaning up around the house.  I want to do more of that and give my wife more money.  The jackpot is at 100 million.  I bought my ticket today.  Two tickets.  One of the tickets with the numbers I picked was entered in wrong by the cashier and I got a 9 instead of a 10… which was my son’s birthday number…  if I won that one that would really be something.  I also bought a quick pick.  I guy at the register wished me good luck as I collected my ticket and my cigarettes.

Once when I was at the leading seller of winners in the Baltimore area… I heard the voice of the cashier in my head and she told me to buy cigarettes.  I hear the voices tell me to smoke all the time, especially when I’m trying to quit.  But I will quit.  I have faith in myself.  It’s the right thing to do for my family.  And for everybody else.  And for my health.  Which really is what you need to do all this anyways.

But I’ll stay on my medication and go in to work everyday and make my money and do my work.  Just like Tony Robbins I wish that you make your life your masterpiece.  And I’m a success as a schizophrenic because I’m working there during the busiest time of the year.  The rest of the year is easy and not a whole lot goes on but during the holidays it gets crazy.  Busy.  And I like it because it’s easy for me to stay busy.  I can do it all day.  For 14 hours.  And it’s really not that hard of work.  I have to lift heavy boxes from time to time and sometimes it’s a massive amount of boxes.  And those days are good exercise.

Sometimes I get out of it though and other people are doing it and I’m out doing deliveries.

But  I really do want to wrap this up, although I could keep going.  I don’t know what will ever happen to these writings. I guess they’ll be up here as long as I’m alive.  Maybe I’ll be discovered and get a book deal.  And then all the signings at the stores for my book.  Promoting it.  Be like Tony Robbins.

But the jackpot is at 100 million and that’s one of my numbers.  I’ve played and missed it several times before but it’s here again and I have my tickets.  I hope I win but Tony Robbins also says that you can’t do it on hope alone. Something like that.  I think I may be going about this the wrong way.  All I know is I have to suit up and show up and do well at my job and give my family money.  Bring home the bacon.

And I could really bring it home on Thursday, which coincidentally is my day off… my second and last for this week.  And I’ll have the day off to settle in with the winnings and plan my next steps.  That’s what I would do if I won on Wednesday night.  I’d find out Thursday morning and I’d text my wife.  I write in all caps WE WON 100 MILLION DOLLARS and send it off to her.  That would be some shit. We already live in a 500,000 dollar house in my mind.  I want to start thinking of living in a 7 million dollar house.  You’d have to win one of those really big… billion dollar jackpots. In my mind we could live in that 7 million dollar house.

But I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.  It’s supposed to be a secret.  So I guess I’m pretty into you.  I like you.  I you to focus on what you want rather what you don’t want.  And do a good job.  Do well.  Spend less than you make.  save 10 percent of your income.  Give 10 percent away. Hard to do.  I keep spending the 10 percent I’m saving when I go through the rest of my money.  It’s all the cigarettes that’s really killing me. 9 dollars a pack everyday.  That’s alot of money for two weeks.  I don’t always smoke the whole pack in a day but sometimes I do.

Have a good day, or night and many blessings to you and your this holiday season and for the whole year.

Thank you for reading.