My name is Jesse Creel. I heard in a podcast that you should write as if someone has never read any of your other work. So I’m writing this to you to tell you I’m a schizophrenic, and I was diagnosed at Christmas 2014. I had done all kinds of sales jobs after the voices first started to mess with my day, and I lost control and asked some guy to fight at my work, because I thought they were all disrespecting me. That’s when the music really started to turn against me. That’s went all the drinking and smoking and living my life out of balance really kicked me in the ass.
I had the best job I have ever had in my life, or maybe the second best considering where I now am, but it was a good job that paid me a good living. And I was making guitars! I was contributing to rock and roll! Really what got me was my lack of interpersonal effectiveness. I had a primo job, and I asked to be moved to a different, less prestigious department. It was all because of the group of people I was working with, and it made me want to leave. I was delusional, and the schizophrenia-which I didn’t know I had at the time, I thought I was psychic- was feeding into the delusions. The delusion was they didn’t want me there. The music was confirming my feelings.
I remember the stark contrast between the voices and reality when I heard a song, right after I had asked to be moved- that said “Your making my dreams come true”. When I overheard my boss tell one of my coworkers I was moving I heard his reply that that was not the best idea. Hindsight tells me my coworker was right.
I should have stayed where I was, and tried better to live with my coworkers, one in particular. Gotten along with the grab-assing, and did my job, and eventually manage them all. That’s not the way history played out though.
In the end, I enjoy the work I do more than I ever did making guitars. I get paid less than what I made at the guitar factory, but I get more time off. Really, if you take what I make by the hour now, I’m making more than what I made at the guitar factory. What it comes down to now, is just making more deals.
Because the schizophrenia, to you schizophrenics out there wondering, is not what is actually going to happen. The voices have a lot to say. That doesn’t mean you should believe what they are saying.
Here’s another tip. If you’re thinking of something you want to do, and you know that you’re going to be unhappy until you get it, and your choosing carefully what you want to be unhappy about until you get it, then it won’t matter if the voices tell you no. You’ll be able to accept rejection and move on to the sale. If you can get shaky like me, don’t worry, the shakes will pass. You are unstoppable, and if you take that attitude, and do the work, shakes or not, you will be happy you did it. Especially when you’re getting results.
So it doesn’t matter what the voices say. Take the good with the bad. And you don’t have to take the bad, and believe in some f*cked up future outcome if that’s not what you want. You can offer them tea in your mind, and let them know “I hear you”. Acknowledge them, and they may even leave after a while.
This, my friends, leads me to the point of this article. Short and sweet, but it’s here for your pleasure. And that is, enlightenment, for a schizophrenic, is the sound between the voices, when there is no sound. Things are clear, you know what you have to do. I read it in a book that that’s the way it is for meditation. When your own thoughts stop and there is just silence. For schizophrenics, even if your mild like me, when the voices stop, and your not thinking anymore, that’s when the enlightenment comes. At least that’s what it feels like to me.
For me what I have to do is sell. I have a sales job. I am a schizophrenic, my bosses know I’m a schizophrenic, and they knew I wanted to sell, and they made me a salesman. I have a great company behind me, and it’s really easy to sell. I don’t even have any quotas! I just sell what I sell and they pay me by the hour.
So far I have 9 sales that I know of, and most likely more I don’t know of. My plan is to stick it out through Christmas and see if I can land a Christmas deal. My company has a gifting program, where companies can buy gift cards, hams, or turkeys for their employee’s for that special time of the year. I’m collecting the leads for gifting now, in the summertime, so when September comes around I’ll have some places I can go to.
I would like to land a 6 figure a year sales job, and I don’t think that it’s unrealistic to think I could do that. Sure it would be 5 times what I’m making now, sure it would be more pressure, and sure the voices would probably get worse at times… but my job now is giving me a great deal of confidence that I CAN sell.
Then again, you never know.
My quit date is tomorrow, July 15, 2017. I’m going to save a lot of money, and more importantly my health. There won’t be this unnecessary suffering. I’ll be tobacco free. If I just quit cigarettes I’ll save $200 dollars a month, and I won’t need to get a better job to pay my bills. I won’t need money for anything but wine. And of course food, to pay my credit card bill, to save, and to give my wife some money. And maybe take the kids out to the carnival.
We all need money. And I’m making it. And I’m a schizophrenic. A mild schizophrenic, but a schizophrenic non the less. On top of that I’m selling and getting results! It doesn’t matter what the voices say! You can have success, you just have to do the work! So do the work!
I really appreciate you reading.
Here’s to your success,
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Stab writer's block in the heart.